"When you don’t cover up the world with words and labels, a sense of the miraculous returns to your life. "
"I let it go. It’s like swimming against the current. It exhausts you. After a while, whoever you are, you just have to let go, and the river brings you home. "
Joanne Harris, Five Quarters of the Orange (via thatkindofwoman)
Timely and so appropriate.
Body love is more than acceptance of self or the acceptance of the body. Body love is about self-worth in general. It’s more than our physical appearance. We are more than what has been done to us. It’s reclamation of self. It’s a bunch of things. It’s not super light. It means self-care. We are such a society built on work, work, work. I think having self-care and time to nurture the self.- Mary Lambert (x)
I’ve been curious about mindfulness and intuitive eating (or mindful eating) ever since I first came across Women, Food, and God and the amazingness that is Geneen Roth (One day when I’m not so very poor I will go to one of her retreats. I just have to!!).
So, when I started looking for someone to help me with my eating disorder, I knew I wanted someone who could help me through my problem using mindfulness and cognitive behavior therapy as their tool(s).
I’ve been seeing an amazing Psychotherapist for awhile now (located in Seattle, please send a message if you’d like her name!) and we’ve been working together for months. Since our very first meeting I’ve been taking huge personal strides and have felt very, very proud of my recovery and all the things I’ve learned to date.
Today, however, I think I had what could easily be my most significant milestone or “breakthrough” to date.
As you may know many people with eating disorders eat to avoid painful feelings (Everyone does this to some extent. Some people use food, some people cope with sex, drugs, cigarettes, etc… Pick your poison…) and I’m no exception to this, of course. For months now I’ve been working on recognizing and noticing when and how I cope with food. With the help of my therapist, I’ve also been using practical tools to help me over come and work through my compulsive eating behavior.
Today I mentioned to my therapist that I feel like I’ve got the hang of recognizing the moments that trigger compulsive or unhealthy eating behavior, but I often ignore and/or avoid thinking or dwelling on those moments or thoughts. So, today she suggested an exercise to really help me focus in on “feeling my feelings” (vs avoiding them).
I agreed to give it a try.
So, we did a guided meditation. She had me pick an emotion, a negative one (but not too negative — starting small and all that). Then she guided me through a meditation. First I felt and paid attention to what my body feels like when it is calm and relaxed, then she had me think about a time I had that negative emotion. I was to picture it and STAY with it. I “leaned in” and felt it. I noticed what it did to my body, and how it felt to dwell in the discomfort.
I let myself be overcome with the feeling(s) of pain, discomfort, and the corresponding body sensations. While I did so, I was aware of the fact that I have never in all my life done something like that before. I avoid pain. Always. After all, it’s perfectly natural to not want to feel something that hurts. It sounds simple, but it really, really wasn’t. During the exercise my body was so uncomfortable I wanted to physically run. It took all I could, every part of me, to just stay and be present and not BOLT……
And just. Wow. I can’t even describe it.